Thursday, May 28, 2015

Top 5 NEW Things to Remember During an Earthquake

Top 5 NEW Things to Remember During an Earthquake

With Dwayne Johnson’s latest action flick, “San Andreas”, opening tomorrow, I thought I’d count down the Top 5 things to remember during an earthquake. Now, I’m not talking about all the advice you’ve been given over the years, such as getting under a table and staying away from windows, I’m talking about things you REALLY need to know.

5. PLAY A ROCKIN’ SOUNDTRACK. You’ll certainly need some good tunes to get you through the earthquake aftermath, because you may be trapped for a while. My top two suggestions?  “I Feel the Earth Move” by Carole King and “Housequake” by Prince. Soon enough, you’ll be shakin’ just like the temblor.

4. POP OPEN A BOTTLE OF AFTERSHOCK. If you haven’t tried the cinnamon flavored liqueur by Jim Beam, this is the perfect opportunity to spice up your life. Make sure enough shot glasses have survived the rumbling, because you will need them!

3. CONTACT CONAN O’BRIEN’S LONGTIME SIDEKICK, ANDY RICHTER, TO FIND OUT THE MAGNITUDE OF THE QUAKE ON THE RICHTER SCALE. You probably thought you should contact the Earthquake Lady, right? (In case you don’t live in California, Kate Hutton is a seismologist at Cal Tech and every time we experience a shaker worth mentioning, we see her on the news talking about it.) But NO! Dr. Kate’s not your go-to. You really want to have the right information, so Andy Richter’s your guy. Who knew a comedian could invent something so useful during emergency situations?

2. WATCH THE 1974 FILM, “EARTHQUAKE”, STARRING CHARLTON HESTON. Here, you’ll get some extremely helpful information about what to do and what not to do. I mean, wouldn’t YOU want Moses on your side when you’re stuck in the middle of a disaster?

1. And the number one thing to remember during an earthquake is… It’s not your FAULT!!!

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